07. How to Access the Confidence you Need, When You Need it the Most

Jun 15, 2021

Confidence: How to Access the Confidence you Need, When You Need it the Most 

This week I'm talking about confidence and how you can access higher levels of confidence when you need it the most.

Join me this week as I share a coaching technique to help you understand what trips up your confidence levels, and how to understand what lifts you up so that you can manufacture your confidant 'flow' mode when you need it. 

 

There is a really big, very real reason why I'm talking about this at the moment. This episode goes live June 2021, and for the last month every conversation with clients in finance I have had, I’ve heard of the extreme frustration, feelings of anxiety, feeling low, and generally lacking in their overall confidence.

This is having a big effect on their productivity, their decision making abilities and wellbeing. 

 

What causes confidence issues? 

This hesitancy of course has a lot to do with how we've been working and doing things for the past year due to the pandemic. 

  1. Feeling tired and drained
  2. Unsure about what the future holds
  3. Lack of feedback 

There used to be some sense of assurance, but in the last year your brain has learned a habit of mistrusting our own sense of assurance. 

Let’s really talk about how you can give yourself that confidence boost, when you need it. 

First - you need to take a look at what trips your confidence. 

 

Am I getting this right?

Does this sound familiar? Despite knowing that you DO know the answer, there's something niggling at you, something keeping you from putting one foot in front of the other. That feeling is self-doubt. 

Confidence affects us in many ways but here are a few examples: for instance, you're delivering a presentation and you hesitate at the crucial moment. Your mind goes blank, you're flustered. “Can I check on that?” 

It's all going wrong and you feel like you are not doing a great job,  and you can see people's eyes even digitally on you and you're feeling very nervous and suddenly that's becoming a big deal. 

Then you feel this sense of annoyance, and frustration afterwards because you know you could have done better. 

Firstly, it’s always ok to stop and check - but the way you hold yourself when you do will determine how the audience feel about you and your credibility. 

 

Visibility

Another common worry plaguing team leaders and managers is visibility. 

Why didn’t they come to you with that problem? Or, why did they go around you? Are you missing out? What's going on? 

It's very frustrating when systems break down. You can no longer pop your head in the door and ask what’s wrong, or have a casual chat. 

This can stop you from getting access to opportunities, leave you with FOMO and severe frustration. 

 

Time to push yourself away from the comfort zone 

Are you settling for the status quo, lolling in the warmth of your zone of comfort? 

 The best step forward isn’t always the most comfortable. 

Your low confidence will make you unwilling to do what is needed to take action, which starts a cycle of ‘being stuck’. Right now, let’s take a look at something that you are hesitant about or you are feeling anxious, frustrated or angry about. 

Picture the situation; wherever you are right now, wherever you're sitting reading this take a moment to visualise your low confidence moments. 

  1. Think of a circle, or draw one on some paper. 
  2. Think about where you are at your most confident. Where do you feel amazing? When are you in flow?
  3. What happened just before you went into that state? 

Before you are at your most confident - something happened. You were triggered into a feeling of calm, of being at your very best. 

It is possible to manufacture that positive trigger.  Maybe exercise or a walk, maybe reviewing past feedback or successes with your work. You have to find what releases the confidence chemicals in your brain, only then can you habit stack to bring this up when you need it.. 

Look back at that circle  - I want you to think about what you're not achieving in that zone. 

Outside of the comfort space sits all of the things you want to do, but don’t feel confident to get done. 

You may recognise this as things that: 

  • You feel you can’t do well (even though you don’t know this is true) 
  • You feel inexperienced in 
  • You feel people will judge you badly for 

All of that is an emotion called fear. 

All of these emotions have been built into your internal operating system for a very good reason. When we put a hand into a fire and it burns,  pain shoots up to our nervous system to our brain to tell us it's a warning symbol. That pain causes fear. 

That fear is to warn you against something painful. Your internal system is flagging up warnings all over the place. Providing you understand the stakes clearly - you are capable of calming your nervous system and start believing in yourself again. 

The Confidence Trick: 

All right now tell me something: What is really frustrating you right now in your career? 

What is your lack of confidence holding you back from? 

I want you to get really clear what that means not just for you, but for your career and organisation. 

  • Is it costing you money? 
  • Is it costing you time? 
  • Is it costing you your reputation? 
  • Is it costing your teams or the delivery of a project?
  • Is it costing your organisation? 

How much would you say? Now, I don't want this to terrify you but you can use this to clearly understand the balance between risk and reward. 

Now have a look at the cost. And or the reward; is staying in your comfort zone worth it? 

That's the thing,  to step outside the comfort zone you have to want it more than staying comfy. Find what makes you motivated, what makes you feel at your highest level of performance (even when you are unsure), and think; 

In a year how will I feel when I’m still in this circle of comfort? Does it now look exciting to step further out and extend your circle to help you reduce the costs? 

I’d love to hear what you think, and how this works for you. 

 

Key Highlights

[01:18] Things that affect our confidence levels

[04:32] Zone of Comfort

[06:45] The circle of your absolute flow zone

[07:50] Reasons why you are feeling uncomfortable outside your zone of comfort

[09:38] What is lack of confidence holding you back from

[12:19] What it takes for you to feel as confident as all of the things in your comfort zone

[12:45] Ways to start thinking about your confidence levels and how to feel amazing

[15:16] Build your confidence with “Confidence Untapped.”

 

Powerful Quotes

  • It is not about not knowing things; it’s about not feeling confident enough to throw yourself fit in.
  • Without action, you are either settling for what the status quo is in your comfort zone, or you are unwilling to do what’s needed to gently step out of the comfort zone to make things happen.
  • To step out of your comfort zone, you are never going to do it unless you want it.
  • Recognize what gives you that boost of confidence, especially where you feel incredible.
  • Frustration, anger, anxiety, fear, and being misunderstood all sit outside your zone of comfort.
  • Learn what makes you feel like you can absolutely take on the world, and then there’s nothing that’s going to stop you.
  • You will never love to learn to run, for instance, unless you feel good about it or remember how good it feels -- but you have to work on that.

 

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About your host,  Alexandra 

Alexandra Bond Burnett is the founder of Speaking Ambition, and the host of Ambition to Impact. Alexandra specialises in helping analytical thinkers, and precisionist professionals communicate powerfully, in an age where influence matters. 

Speaking on Emotional intelligence and presence, Alexandra will guide you towards effective interactions in your career.